Thursday, January 1, 2009

A year of great potential

Happy New Year!
It's 2009.
This is a year of great potential and quite a bit of change. I'm excited for what is in store.

Weighing heaviest on my mind is that 2009 is the year I graduate and get a real job. Finally.
I have three weeks of course work and then I'll do my student teaching. I graduate on May 1. I can hardly believe it. It's been a long time coming.
I'm excited to graduate, but I'm also a little overwhelmed. I thought that when I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up that the ambiguous nature of my life would dissolve and plans for the future would solidify. However, I feel like that I have opened millions more doors. I know I'll be teaching elementary school, but I have no other details figured out.
I'm almost certain that I won't be staying in Washington County.
I was sold on the thought that I was going to move some place smaller, but then I went to a professional education conference and that thought floated away. I was so enthralled by the knowledge and experience that now seems within my reach. Despite my disgust for the city life, higher education is so charming and now perceived as very much accessible.
After a conversation with my friend's mother, I was made aware of great opportunities if I would just humble myself enough to relocate to the Wasatch Front. One of my goals is to get a Math Endorsement. My friend's mother, who happens to be a professor in education at BYU, gave me the contact information for Dr. Monroe, another professor at BYU. She works with the Alpine School District in developing math education and has established a cohort of teachers to work together on their math endorsements, effective teaching strategies, and the like.
It sounded so appealing, perfect even. I would teach in the Alpine School District, get my math endorsement, and then go to graduate school at the Y after two or three years of teaching. (I would go to the Y, becuase by then I would have established good relationships with at least a couple of professors there.)
I made an appointment with Dr. Monroe for Monday, December 22. Our conversation was amazing! I gained a lot from the meeting.
Yet, I did leave a little discouraged. The grant money that was used to establish this math endorsement cohort runs out this year. The Alpine School District really wants to continue the program, but they might not be able to without secured funds. This program may be moved to another school district entirely. Or it may not happen at all.

My perfect plan is unravelling.

While I was in Florida, I was talking with a family friend. She says that there are quite a few school districts in Florida and other places down South that are hurting for teachers. They are offering all sorts of incentives; one common incentive is to pay for graduate school for interested teachers.
That sounds enticing. I had considered for a brief moment moving back to Florida. Now, I'll have to give that much more thought.

I sit here confused. I don't know where I'm going. I have a good idea of what I want, but I can achieve those goals most anywhere. BYU and the Provo area may not be so ideal any more.

I have no idea what life will be like come August. Will I be in St. George still? Will I be in Utah? What grade will I be teaching? Will I be living with roommates? Will I opt for my own place? Or might I be renting a room from family or family friends?
Right now I have too many opportunities and all seem to be positive and none seems to be better than the rest.

This is when I wish I had someone else (read: a husband) involved in the decision making. I don't need him to make the decision for me; I just need someone else's complicated life to narrow the possibilities. I need conflict. I need him to refuse to move to a certain part of the country or to have limits on where we could live because of job prospects. I need him to have ambitions and goals that may only be achieved by living in the city or the country. I need his preferences to affect my choices.

I'm excited to enter the real world and get a real job. I just never thought I'd be doing it alone. It's not that I don't think I can handle the world alone. I just fear that I'll get too accustomed to living independently that I'll miss out on the blessings of interdependence.
I do want to marry. I want to raise a family. I want all the challenges and blessings that come with those things. I want to experience that part of life. I want the joy that only comes through marriage and parenthood.
Maybe that'll happen in 2009.


Eliza said...

It seems the more we think our life is comming to gether the more that it falls apart. I know that is how it is with me. I know things will work out for you just keep that smile and let go a little bit. Happy New Year.

Brittany said...

It's pretty scary not knowing exactly what we'll be doing or where we'll be going. But wherever you go, you will go there for a reason and certain children will be waiting for you to touch their lives.

Cameron and Nonie Gay said...

Don't stress. Everything happens for a reason and you'll get where you're supposed to go even if it makes no sense now. Love you babe and your future looks fantastic! So many opportunities await you. If you want a small town job, I'd love it if you move to Sevier County. Then we could hang out and maybe you could teach my kids in school.;)


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