Parallel to my life

I had a friend in college who would say that he was only interested in 18 and 19 year-old girls, because he wanted to train up his wife.  It used to irritate me to no end.  We discussed this and he shared his viewpoint in the semi-public forum of facebook one day.  He argued that older women (meaning girls in their 20s) were boring and didn't know how to have fun any longer.  I was 24 or 25 at the time and didn't feel like I was "no fun".

But finally today, what he said started to make sense.

I turned 30 a few weeks ago.  I am still quite young and adventurous.  During my work season, I spend my evenings socializing and attending events and am rarely home on the weekends.  During the summers, I've enjoyed going and coming as I please.  For example, a couple days ago I went on a 1.5 hour bike ride, changed, drove a couple hours to go sailing with a friend, spent a few hours on the water, made a late lunch with him, listened to him play a few songs on the guitar, drove back to the city and went straight to a party.  My days are full and my opportunities are endless.

However, I have noticed both this weekend and while vacationing for 3.5 weeks in Florida that I do have preferences for how I like to spend my time and am not nearly as willing to compromise.

My brother is visiting from Southern Utah.  I love him and his daughter, and I am so glad that they've come for a visit.  But if he were not here, my weekend would've been much different.  I had two enticing ways I could've spent my weekend.  I could've 1) spent two days in Moab camping and going on a river trip with a bunch of young people.  2) Had I opted to stay home, my weekend would've involved attending a party Friday night at a delightful friend's house, Saturday morning bike ride to the farmer's market, afternoon attendance at a folk/bluegrass festival, and an evening in Deer Valley at an outdoor concert featuring the Utah Symphony and Kansas with two friends that I really enjoy.

I did still choose my Friday night party despite my brother's evening arrival, but I returned home sooner than I would've otherwise chosen.  My Saturday consisted of going to the zoo (which I normally despise but I was hoping my niece's enjoyment would help...which it did to a certain extent), taking a nap, opting not to go thrift shopping so that I could go to a late lunch with a friend, sitting around the living room talking about what we should do, expressing an interest in going to the folk/bluegrass festival numerous times, finally going to the store instead of doing anything else so that my brother would stop complaining that he could no longer use the Wii due to our lack of replacement batteries.  And when I returned home, he was asleep.

Considering my markedly different day today, and reflecting on the varying priorities of each of my sisters' hopes for our Florida vacation, I realized that after all these years, I have created a particular life for myself that I do enjoy but is also somewhat of a niche.  I have my preferences and try to surround myself with people who have similar preferences.  I maintain numerous friendships so that I can pick the activity and then pick the company I would like for that particular activity.  I don't have one or more friends that does almost everything with me.  Instead, I have several friends who each do one or two things with me.

I expressed aloud to my late-lunch friend that when I was 18, my dating pool was huge.  I could've gone out with any boy and enjoyed what he offered.  With a serious prospect/companion, my and his interests could've grown together as we experienced what the world offered.  We could've tried new things together and found the things we both most enjoyed and begun spending our time that way and working toward those things.

That is no longer the case.  Now my dating pool is pretty limited.  Now that I've entered a career, established what I enjoy most, and determined priorities for my life, I have to find a boy whose life is parallel to mine.  The more refined and defined I become, the fewer boys are compatible.

My college friend was right.  I have become less fun in the sense that I like to do what I like to do and am less willing to waste my time on things I don't particularly enjoy or value, even if a potential date likes it.  Although I still would not define girls in their 20s as boring and less fun, I can understand how less enjoyable it must've been for my college friend to find a more established girl who either had numerous similar interests/goals as he or was flexible enough to alter her life to try out what he wanted for a little while.

Stereotypical, sure, but not racist

I had purchased tickets to the symphony recently hoping to make a date of it, since my usual guest—my sister—was out of town.  Upon asking, one boy politely declined—citing homework and project overload; it being the end of the semester.  (Yeah, I rolled my eyes, too.) 

I had begun considering other options when my mom called to remind me that my sister was flying home the same day as the symphony.  Of course, I asked her next.  She accepted with no hesitation.  (Why are not boys that easy to persuade?)

I told her the truth during intermission, telling her I had hoped the first boy I had asked would have come in her stead.  She asked me if I had considered [insert the name of boy of Indian descent].  I replied that I he might be too yellow for an event like this.

Yellow?!  He’s not Asian (well, at least not eastern Asian).  If anything, you would describe him as brown.

I quickly corrected her, telling her I was not referencing his skin color but rather the color code personality test.  It’s a totally different type of discrimination.

Tell Me That I'm Dreaming

Lately my dreams have been enough to make me think about them the rest of the day.  Read about the jealous fleeing of my dream man here.
Two night ago, I was reading blog postings in my Google reader.  I read this post over at The Lola Letters about The Bachelorette.  I don't know much about the show having never watched it.  Her post was the last I read before falling asleep.  So of course, I had my own Bachelor(ette)-style dream.  However, the setup of my show was much different.  We didn't go on all-expense paid dates in fancy clothing with all the difficult details hashed out by some tv intern.  On my show, the women were "auditioning" to be wives of these creepy, misogynistic men.  Our first task was to mop a floor.
Yes, I said "our".  I am on the show.  Don't ask me why.  I would never in sound mind and body participate in such a show or "competition".
I am no stranger to housework, but I realized I was up against women who had worked full-time as housekeepers.  I knew I was no competition for them.  I wasn't going to win this round, so I didn't waste my energy.  I mopped the floor well enough, but I didn't obsess over it.
In the mean time, I figured out my target.  There was a man on the show with a two year-old son.  I knew I could win him over by focusing my energy on my interaction with his son.

WHOA!  I feel so gross inside as I type this.  I hope this is a reflection of how I feel about the show and not what I'd really do.  That previous paragraph says that I would manipulate someone by feigning a relationship with a child.  Revolting!
I can't finish this post.
Honestly, there wasn't much more to my dream.  Fortunately.  But regardless, I'm disgusted to think that this occurs.  People do this kind of thing.  My dream self did this kind of thing.  I've done this kind of thing.  Well, not this exact thing.
One time, in real life, a boy moved to town.  This boy soon caught the attention of several ladies, not because of his dashingly handsome good looks but because he was educated and had a real job.  (This type of guy was a rarity in the area.)  I was one of the first to talk to him and to befriend him.  And then these other girls found out about him and tried to lay claim.  I got caught up in the competition and decided, somewhat consciously, that I was going to win him over.  I charmed him in numerous ways, even feigning interest in a few things since they were among his greatest passions.  But then one day I (figuratively) stepped back and realized as quality of a guy he was, we really didn't have that much in common.  I wasn't pursuing him because I was interested.  I was pursuing him because I was determined to beat out these other ladies.  Ugh!
I'm glad I realized that when I did.  I hope and pray that I never get caught up in something fake like that again.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I have been having all sorts of life-like dreams lately.  That's how I usually dream.  I don't dream the bizarre.  I dream things that actually could happen.  And the stars of my dreams are the people who I interact with regularly.

Last night, I dreamed I met the guy of my dreams.  He was everything I've ever wanted (and many things I never knew I wanted).  We hit it off immediately.  I was totally into him.  He was totally into me.  The evening was progressing quite well.
My friend, Jared, happened to stop by. 
Jared and I have been friends for a little over a year.  He is one of my favorite people to talk with.  We can talk for hours.  And hours.  And hours.  He and my roommate used to spend a lot of time together and so often, he'd be at my house when I'd come home at night.  One of my favorite conversations occurred one night when I came home to a pitch black house.  (Supposedly they heard me pull up and turned off the tv to scare me.  Sure, I believe it.)  I followed my usual routine of getting a drink of water, never turning on the lights.  And then my roommate said my name.  Having seen Jared's Jeep out front, I greeted them both.  Jared and I started talking right there in the dark.  I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember it being a great conversation.  For several hours.  In the dark.  Needless to say, with all this conversing, Jared and I have formed a very solid bond.  We have talked each other through some challenging life experiences and have spent many a good hour out and about enjoying life.
Back to my dream.
Sometime during the evening, Jared got really sick.  I mean really sick.  The kind of sick that he needed the care and attention of someone else to endure this sickness.  I began tending to Jared's needs and almost entirely ignoring my dream guy.
Well, a dream guy can't be perfect.  This guy possessed some jealousy issues and maybe lacked some confidence.  Upon seeing the intimacy in the way I cared for Jared (being able to anticipate his needs and communicate with him without talking much), my dream guy assumed this meant that I was secretly and madly in love with Jared.  My dream guy abruptly left before we could naturally end the evening and before I could seal my fate (you know, by securing future dates and such).
Once I realized this, I got Jared taken care of well enough that I could dash out the door.  Of course, I was barefoot and there was snow on the ground.  (Because of my real-life distaste for snow, I think snow in my dreams symbolizes when something has gone awry.)  I ran as far as I could before my feet couldn't stand it.  I ran back and grabbed some shoes.  Of course the only shoes I could find were heels.  That didn't make for a quick journey in the snow.  He was already gone.
Now, I have to somehow convince the man of my dreams (literally and figuratively) that my compassion represented true charity and not passionate romantic love for Jared.  But I'm not worried.  If anyone can convince anyone of something, it's Jared.  (Most of the conversations I had with him were essentially debates.)  Jared will just convince my dream man that these actions speak volumes of my character and the kind of love he can anticipate throughout our relationship.

Too bad it was all just a dream.

I also dreamed last night that I was hiking in Zion National Park when an earthquake struck.  The roads were destroyed or covered in rocks, so my friends and I had to hike out of the park.  And for some reason, I was wearing Converse sneakers.  Not sound hiking shoes.

I probably shouldn't have gone to bed with sore feet last night.

An idea of romance

I'll admit it. I signed up with an online dating website.

Wow. That was hard to admit. It shouldn't be. It's typical for our technology-driven society. Alas, it is strange with how social I am and how many people I know that I'm not having the dating life I desire. It is as though dating has been replaced with meaningless social events that lead to little (but physical relationships, it seems).

But the above is not the purpose of this post.

As part of the service, I am able send site generated messages back and forth with my matches to help us get to know one another. One of the boys I'm communicating with recently responded to the questions I sent him. One of my questions was "How would you spend a romantic evening with someone you've been dating for more than a year?"
His response: "Having a picnic and watching the sunset together. Maybe I will even muster up the little skill I have and make the picnic myself."

I watch the sunset a few times a week. In fact, I stopped by a friend's house tonight, and he suggested we move the conversation outside so that we could watch the sunset. This is the same friend who cooked a wonderfully delicious dinner for me and my sister while we watched the sunset, just before watching the fireworks from the accessible rooftop.

A friend. I watched the sunset with a friend.

Maybe this just means I live a very romantic life already.

Or maybe this boy lives in a part of the city where the sunset isn't easily seen, so watching the sunset is a rare occasion for him. In that case, working to enjoy that simple part of life is romantic.

Maybe this sunset viewing would involve a beautiful hike to get to the location and a hidden guitar that he "finds" and uses to play a little song for me.

Or maybe the simplicity of it all would make it so romantic.

I mean the sunset is a glorious thing every time I watch it. For example, I love catching the sunset over the Great Salt Lake on my way home from the Salt Lake Temple. On the nights when there are clouds, I like to stick around until after the sun has set. The way the dusk light reflects off the varying depths of the water make it appear almost as though there are white caps of cresting waves. It makes me feel like I'm back in Florida. I can even sometimes hear the waves crashing onto the shore.

His idea, although very simple, is romantic. But is it the kind of romance I'm looking for? Why am I left wanting for more?

Maybe I'm too consumed with looking for more than I already have. Maybe the best kind of relationship would involve spending time with someone doing the things I already do, the things I already love. I shouldn't be put off by his response. I should appreciate that we share that enjoyment of the simple things in life. Maybe I should make the search for love a little less complicated.

SWF looking for her Settling Soul Mate

My sister, Casey, lived with me over the summer. Neither of us had jobs, so we watched/streamed quite a bit of tv and movies. She would often quote 30 Rock or tell me about an episode. I've always liked Tina Fey, but she took a special place in my heart during her political days. But when I watched a couple episodes of 30 Rock when it first hit the air, I wasn't hooked. I wasn't impressed. But I was also a lot less funny then.

Fortunately, I found myself with a little time one day and started watching again. Now 30 Rock is a weekly treat.

Watch this episode.

Time out. I have a feeling you didn't really watch it.

Fine. At least skip to 11:06. (If I knew how to deeplink Hulu, I would.)

"The Universe wants us to settle for one another. There has to be a reason this keeps happening to us, Liz. I think that fate is telling us this is the best we're ever going to get. We're each other's settling soul mates."

"Settling soul mates? That is grim. And I've played Monopoly alone."

"Well, I know it's not ideal. But we both benefit. I could open jars and kill bugs for you, and you could make me look less gay at work functions."

"...Why fight this? Grow old with me, Liz? In separate bedrooms."

I found my settling soul mate not too long ago.

I have made a lot of awesome friends in Tooele. Two of my favorite friends are a couple of guys who are roommates. I spend a lot of time at their house. Since I live alone and don't have family here, I've made them my family. It's the place I go when I want to be with people without having to entertain or be entertained. Nothing is required. We just chill. I like that arrangement.

On my drive back to Tooele after Christmas break, I got a few texts in a row from one of these boys. It started out with "I know you like me." I immediately responded with "You know I like ____." (Explicitness only occurs in my journal and not on a public blog.) And he did know. I've talked to him about it before.

He didn't stop. He kept telling me how much I liked him (yes, you read that correctly) and suggested we start dating. His rationale? "We get along just fine, and you don't let me walk all over you."

We get along just fine.

Yeah. That's exactly the relationship I'm looking for.

Never once did he tell me he liked me, or that he liked spending time with me, or that I made him laugh, or that I made him want to be a better person, or that he missed me while I was gone.

Nope. None of that.

I guess if I let my loneliness control my life, then we'd be growing old in separate bedrooms by now.

The things you do for love

My sister walked through the door today a little more worn out than usual at the end of her long work days. She called me, not knowing I was home, because she had to vent her frustration. I wasn't prepared for the story she told.
She slept most of the bus ride home as usual. She woke up about ten minutes before her stop. For the last few blocks, she was the only one left on the bus. She moved to the front and took out one of her ear buds in case the driver wanted to ask her what her stop would be so as not to bother with any others.
That was the worst mistake of her life.
He tried to open with a clever tease. He quickly posed the relationship status question and when finding out she was single jumped straight to the request for her number. Since she had recently had a similar unfortunate disaster which led to multiple unsolicited phone calls, she wisely stated that she would take his number and call him the next time that she knew of an activity going on and would invite him.
Well, he must have been duped by other girls in the past. He followed up by asking her to go ahead and call his phone so that he could have her number as well.
Despite every desire not to, she couldn't come up with a way to get out of that step.
On her walk home from the bus stop, the phone rang.
It was the bus driver.
He spoke to her for a few minutes and divulged all his unflattering characteristics. He shared with her a few things that he admitted had been a turn off for girls he tried to date in the past. Yet he revealed them in the first conversation. I don't understand boys like that.
Well, I left the house for a couple hours. When I got home, I found out that he had already called her twice more.
She didn't answer either time.

Now it's your turn to share the advice. What should she do? How can she tactfully but forcefully get the point across that he is coming on far too strong (which makes her not interested WHATSOEVER!)? I don't know what to tell her. I can sympathize, having endured a similar situation last summer, but I don't know what I did to shake the kid loose. What would you do or have you done?

*Addendum: It is five minutes shy of 11pm. The bus driver just called for the fourth time today.
*Addendum #2: My sister mentioned she was living with me in the bus conversation. The bus driver just sent my sister a text that asked, "How old is your sister?"